Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
