i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
