...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
