mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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