She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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