By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
