Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
