Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
