pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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