She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize