i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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