I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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