I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize