They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
