Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize