I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
