Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize