Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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