You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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