I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
