C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
