I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize