I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
