Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
