textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
