I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
