Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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