you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
