My first STD was from a foam party
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
