There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
