He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
