im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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