gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
