At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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