my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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