Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
