I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
