i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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