just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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