so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
