its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
