Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
