she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
