If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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