It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize