Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
