im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
