(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
