so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I am one with the molecules
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
