Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
