Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize