Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
