His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
