I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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