Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
