I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
