honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
