I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
