we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
