Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
