peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize