I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
