I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
