I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
