The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
