Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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