Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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