He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize