One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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