I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
