I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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