i can't believe i had my finger in that
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
