someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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