I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
